Once again, a sleepless night is bringing me to the computer. This time, it was me being incredibly hungry that actually forced me to get up to fix an English muffin for a 5:15am snack. I'm done trying to figure out the weirdness of pregnancy.
As I sit here completely awake and maybe still a little hungry, Harry/Ella is moving quite vigorously, which I am hoping means that maybe this baby is still rather small to be able to make these kind of movements. Surely no 7 or 8 pounder is floating around in there and able to move this much!!
We have a little over two weeks to go, and I feel like I need to admit that these feelings I'm having lately are unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I told Andrew that right before we got married, I had this same sense of waiting and anticipation. It was a mixture of excitement and anxiety all rolled into one. Ultimately though, I looked forward to how life would change, never wavering over my decision to marry this fantastic guy who I loved dearly.
With this huge new unknown facing me, and no set date to really prepare for, I'm definitely having more anxiety than excitement about this little one being born. I'm excited...don't get me wrong, and I've been preparing for what feels like forever! But, I'm absolutely 100% terrified about life completely changing as I know it. It doesn't matter how many people tell me, "The changes are worth it because it'll be the most wonderful moment of your life," I'm still having moments of, "Do I really want to do this?" I know that's a stupid question because no matter whether I want to or not, it's happening!!! Do people (or pregnant women more specifically) actually admit to having these feelings before their little ones arrive??
Every moment with Andrew feels like one to be cherished, since we truly will never be alone with one another again. In some ways, I'm mourning what feels like will be a huge loss. Again, people say, "But your love will be strengthened as you become a family of three!" And I'm sure they're right. I guess some things just can't be fathomed until they're personally experienced.
All in all, we can't wait to meet Harry/Ella, and we can't imagine how much our hearts will expand the moment we do. In the meantime, I'm left with mixed emotions, and as a counselor, I want to tell myself, "What you're feeling is absolutely normal." So if it's not, please don't tell me--let me slide on this one : )
1 comment:
Uh - what size do you want your baby to be? Apparently smaller than 7 pounds - just remember they say the bigger they are the better they sleep. Maybe I'm partial to large babies being that mine was 9 pounds at birth and 15 pounds at 2 months!! Can we say I love me some little fat rolls!!!!!!
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